a5c7b9f00b The U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space.
If you've ever seen the first Machete or the Grindhouse double feature then you know what Robert Rodriguez's intentions were. Machete is supposed to be bad, that Grindhouse exploration bad that is so over the top bad it becomes good. And on that level I find the first movie to be a success, the flaws in the film somehow make it all the better. The sequel however, is an utter failure, the flaws in the film make it unbearable to watch.<br/><br/>The film opens with a trailer for a sequel to the movie your about to watch, which spoils the movie for you. And the movie really just seems like a way to set up Machete kills again. The pop culture gags are just embarrassing and cringe inducing, yeah it's funny that the president is sleeping with 3 women, cause it's Charlie sheen. The changeling character is beyond asinine and rather than give Cuba Gooding Jr or antonio banderas adequate screen time, we get to watch lady Gaga. We get to see a cringe inducing Sofia vergarasa really stupid hooker who thinks she's a threat because she has boob and dick guns. (The same dick gun we saw 20 years ago in from dusk til dawn).<br/><br/>All in all Machete kills is a complete waste of time and completely and utterly fails to carry on the spirit of the first Machete or its grindhouse roots. Rodriguez went for intentionally bad and ended up with unintentionally awful. And for some reason he is going ahead with Machete 3 despite nobody even wanting it, I for sure will be skipping that one and will never rewatch this really awful awful film.
Grindhouse was a brilliant feat of movie making. It was the ultimate throwback and gave Robert Rodriguez reason to spin off Machete which was an okay follow up. I mean, Machetea concept is pretty easy because it throws all sensibility, plot and realism straight out the window. Machete can't have plot holes because it doesn't ever have to make sense. The first film was a fun ridiculous ride but to take it any further would have been foolish. Well he did and it was. Any even remotely sensible ideas behind Machete are completely destroyed for Machete Kills. Rodriguez doesn't even try for this to make sense. He is like a drunken madman/silly teenager running around going…"oh hey, you know what would be cool?" There are a few mildly entertaining moments and there are actually a couple of good performances (one big surprise I was particularly pleased with) but most of it was simply too much. Laser guns, a completely silly plot that was simply in place to lead into his next Machete film and get him into space…(Seriously?) and it just wasn'tmuch funGrindhouse or even the first film.<br/><br/>Danny Trejo is a B-Movie legend. Most of his fluff ends up straight to video but you gotta give him credit for owning this genre. He does alright bringing Machete back to the big screen and he does have some good lines. Unfortunately, the character isn't given any more direction than before so it feels flat and silly. Amber Heard is one of the better performances in the film. She is appropriately campy and villainous (and gorgeous but that's besides the point.) She holds her own in a smaller role. Michelle Rodriguez returns to her role from the first one and does alright but Rodriguez tends to always be Rodriquez. I was waiting for an epic cat fight between her and Heard and they do have a few sparring of words and a decent fight but far from epic. Sofía Vergara joins the castan insane madame with a myriad of genital weapons. She is also appropriately over the top but unfortunately she gets old quick and starts to become more annoying than fun. The two best actual performances in the movie are by our main villains. Demian Bichir did a solid legitimate joba villainous Mexican mobster. He could have actually been in a more serious film Desperado type. I am the last of the die hard Mel Gibson fans. I remember when he was top notch and I think he still has it in him. I was doubtful this would be much of anything considering he shot the entire role in a week but I was wrong. He was actually terrificVoz. He seemed like he was more in control and less frantiche has been lately (Get The Gringo for instance.) He handles the ridiculousness of his role perfectly and is reminiscent of a great spoof movie villain. I was so pleased to see him doing so well especially in a almost terrible movie. Watch for enjoyable but mostly forgettable cameos by Lady Gaga (she did well in a very small role), Cuba Gooding Jr., Antonio Banderas and Walter Coggins.<br/><br/>There is no denying that Robert Rodriguez has style and I think he's a very talented writer and director. I just don't think he took enough time with this or he got completely carried away which is more likely. He was so excited that enough people enjoyed Machete that he could make one or two more silly sequels. Machete is ridiculous and it is meant to be silly and bad but this one wasn't made with any degree of thought behind it. The first Machete had some promise but this was a huge slip save for a few performances. It doesn't even capture the exploitation films that it tries to spoof. It is unfortunately forgettable. 4/10
You’re really going for Rodriguez’s retrohappy splatter: Intestines tangle in helicopter rotors, heads pop in spring-loaded decapitations, and there’s even a new fake trailer up top. Little is believable, and that’s exactlyit should be.

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